{"id":118881,"date":"2023-04-19T00:00:18","date_gmt":"2023-04-18T23:00:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stories.qvcuk.com\/?p=118881"},"modified":"2023-05-09T15:22:43","modified_gmt":"2023-05-09T14:22:43","slug":"future-proof-relationships-menopause","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stories.qvcuk.com\/menopause-your-way\/guest-author\/future-proof-relationships-menopause\/","title":{"rendered":"Future-proof your relationship with Mairead Molloy"},"content":{"rendered":"

Journalist and content writer Julia Sidwell talks to relationship consultant and strategist Mair\u00e9ad Molloy<\/a> on how to identify if menopause is affecting your relationship, and how we can repair and heal them with love, understanding and compassion.<\/p>\n

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As the years pass and we become wiser, we may imagine a smoother journey with our partners, but a shift in our hormone levels can cause havoc. According to The British Menopause Society, menopausal symptoms cause a significant impact on relationships. Research shows over 60% of divorces in the UK are initiated by women in their 40s, 50s and 60s, when women are most likely going through perimenopause, menopause, or are post-menopausal.<\/p>\n

Relationship psychologist Mair\u00e9ad Molloy regularly speaks to women living through perimenopause and menopause, and witnesses first-hand the effect on relationships. She says the symptoms can be a struggle to deal with even on the best of days, so combined with regular relationship troubles, they are likely to affect even the strongest of couples.<\/p>\n

She says: \u201cSome male partners think the menopause is all hot flushes and a fading libido, but there is so much more. Women can suffer with psychological and physical issues, such as low mood, tiredness, anxiety, poor memory and concentration, vaginal dryness and itching, and pain during and after sex. Some or all of these are bound to put any relationship to the test.\u201d<\/p>\n

TV personality Lisa Snowdon has opened up a lot about the early menopause and is now writing a book about it and its effect on love and life. Despite rekindling her romance with George Smart, she has admitted perimenopause has made their relationship challenging.<\/p>\n

She said: \u201cSome days I\u2019d be happy then the next day I\u2019d turn into the devil. We\u2019d be having a great night out then all of a sudden, I would just flip. It was the hormones, combined with perhaps that third glass of wine\u2026 I know that the menopause can cause relationships to break down but I\u2019m lucky that George came into my life at that time. For me, it was a godsend. For him, it was challenging.\u201d<\/p>\n

Understanding and communication<\/strong><\/p>\n

Many partners do not understand the menopause and its symptoms fully, but with today\u2019s increased information, it\u2019s even easier to learn about it.<\/p>\n

Mairead says: \u201cThe physical symptoms can cause problems in a relationship due to the lack of understanding, which can lead to strained communication and sadly, in some cases, the breakdown of a relationship.<\/p>\n

\u201cBefore attempting to talk to your partner about the menopause, educate yourself by talking to your GP or a menopause doctor, reading about the side-effects and how they might make you feel. Just gaining this knowledge about your own body will help to ease any stress and prove useful when talking to your partner.\u201d<\/p>\n

In her work, Mairead hears a lot of blame placed on \u2018raging hormones\u2019. She says: \u201cThis is frustrating behaviour and comes from a lack of education and awareness. A male partner may not understand what his wife or girlfriend is going through, and his response might be to feel frightened or back off at a time when she needs support.<\/p>\n

\u201cWith frequent fatigue likely, along with teariness or frustration, the partner must understand why this behaviour has changed in order for a relationship to retain balance. If you don\u2019t communicate during this difficult time, it can create resentment. Try and find a good time for you both to sit down and talk about your symptoms and how they are changing your day-to-day life. It can be difficult or embarrassing to talk this through, but your relationship will reap the rewards. It may be helpful to write down what you want to say so you don\u2019t overlook any important points.<\/p>\n

\u201cRemember to emphasise you need support. Tell your partner that you\u2019re both on the same team. Listening, engagement and mutual respect will nourish a healthy, loving relationship that can last.\u201d<\/p>\n

Intimacy <\/strong><\/p>\n

The menopausal transition affects each woman uniquely and in various ways. The body begins to use energy differently, and fat cells change, meaning you may gain weight more easily. Along with a different body shape, you may experience changes in your bone or heart health or your physical function. There is also a drop in the amount of oxytocin in the body. These symptoms are likely to reduce intimacy and in turn, cause a loss of a sexual connection.<\/p>\n

Mairead says: \u201cA decreased libido is a common problem for couples and both parties will be affected in different ways. It can result in resentment and build up sexual frustrations that unfortunately can sometimes result in an affair. You may also feel that your partner no longer finds you attractive due to physical changes and diminished self-esteem.\u201d<\/p>\n

A reduction in oestrogen during menopause can lead to vaginal dryness, which can affect both sexual desire and arousal. Sex may also become painful. HRT can help to rebalance hormone levels and as well as aid other physiological and some psychological changes.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen it comes to your partner, be vocal about your feelings on the subject,\u201d says Mairead. \u201cBe clear that a lack of arousal doesn\u2019t mean you no longer love them, but that things need to adjust. Again, communication really is key here. If you don\u2019t talk openly, the challenges posed by vaginal dryness for example might be misinterpreted as a loss of interest in sex, which might lead her partner to feel rejected.<\/p>\n

\u201cGood communication allows couples to identify and address the real issue. Take more time to get in the mood and take the opportunity to learn more about each other\u2019s bodies and your new likes and dislikes. Try not to be judgmental of one another and work together to form a new routine for you both.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mairead’s key points<\/strong><\/p>\n