On the Caribbean island where they lived, my great gran and my grandma were feminist trailblazers. They kept their own animals, selling them to earn their own money; they had their own bank accounts; they were proud, powerful, self-sufficient women. Such things were unheard of in their traditional, rural village. There, the women stayed at home and kept the house, while their men worked the land or fished the seas or had jobs in local government, handing their wives money from their pay packet. My female forebears bucked the trend by being strong, independent women, unafraid to stand up for themselves and speak out. But there was one issue they were silent about. The menopause.<\/p>\n
The family mantra: \u2018be independent, get educated, earn your own money\u2019 and other life lessons were passed down through the female line, to me. But women\u2019s health – especially the menopause – was always a taboo subject, never mentioned by generations of my Caribbean family. Until now.<\/p>\n
It caused terrible problems for me – both the silence and the menopause itself. I started to experience the menopause early, and naturally, I was in denial. I convinced myself that I simply couldn\u2019t be at that stage yet: but the symptoms were crippling. I tried to mask their terrible effects and carry on with my life, but I was living in a great deal of pain and distress for almost half of every month. My symptoms included aching joints, menstrual cramps, paresthesia (pins and needles and electric shock sensations) and other more extreme symptoms that left me feeling shattered, daily.<\/p>\n
I needed help! But my male GP dismissed me as if I were a naughty schoolchild, saying: \u201cIt\u2019s just par for the course.\u201d Being the daughter of a strong women, I challenged his unhelpful attitude and decided I was going to leave that particular GP practice, there and then.<\/p>\n
That left me with no support. I had no one to turn to, and I knew I couldn\u2019t speak to my mom. \u201cWe don\u2019t discuss things like the menopause,\u201d I told myself, in agony. \u201cBesides – I\u2019m too young for it to be that.\u201d And yet\u2026<\/p>\n
A recent report found that Black women experience the menopause differently from white women – starting two years earlier than the national average. The Study of Women\u2019s Health Across the Nation (SWAN) also found that Black women spend more time in the menopause transition than white women, with hot flushes and night sweats being reported by them more often than their white counterparts.<\/p>\n
Why should that be the case?<\/p>\n
Dr. Nanette Santoro, Professor and E. Stewart Taylor Chair of Obstetrics and Gynecology at the University of Colorado School of Medicine, said: \u2018My educated guess is that a lot of the differences have their basis in lifestyle, SES (socioeconomic status), and other stressors, such as systemic racism and their long-term consequences.\u2019 <\/em><\/p>\n So, the physiological effects of racism\u00a0and associated stress are the possible reasons for early onset menopause! (Source: SWAN)<\/p>\n Juggling my career and managing the symptoms was dreadful – the daily humiliation of begging my manager for a fan to alleviate my hot flushes left me drained. My workplace provided very little support at the early stages of my menopause.<\/p>\n \u201cIf generations of women before me have managed to raise families and work through this,\u201d I thought, \u201cso can I.\u201d That\u2019s what women always do. But I felt awful, and without a support network, it was tough just \u2018doing\u2019 life. I coped because I felt I had to, but coping in excruciating pain and misery is not okay.<\/p>\n My mom and I are very close and we talk about everything. Everything BUT. We Caribbean women just didn\u2019t dare utter the \u2018M\u2019 word. But with searing pain leaving me doubled-up, and after me using countless excuses for not seeing my friends, I had to confess.<\/p>\n So, one day, while we were eating together – my hands sweating and heart racing – I said, \u201cMom, can I talk to you about these shocking symptoms I\u2019m having with the menopause?\u201d Mom put down her glass of juice and looked at me like a deer caught in the headlights. There was such a long silence that I regretted the words leaving my lips and was about to change the subject.<\/p>\n Then she smiled. \u201cTell me about it, and let\u2019s see what we can do to help you.\u201d<\/p>\n Tear drops squeezed, tight in my eyes, as well as my mom\u2019s. We both knew the taboo had been broken, the unspeakable had been spoken. The menopause was \u2018out\u2019 there, and the relief was huge. Mom hugged me as I described how alone I felt, with these symptoms raging through my body. And Mom shared, too. It turned out that she had experienced a number of the same symptoms, so she advised me about the herbal teas she drank and self-care she had practised. She, too, had felt alone, since my Dad was not the type of man who would discuss \u201cwomen\u2019s things\u201d and my grandma would never have entertained such a topic of conversation.<\/p>\n As we looked at diet and exercise and shared our journeys, my mom\u2019s menopause advice lifted a huge burden off my shoulders. I was falling but she caught me, and she continues to be a lifeline for me.<\/p>\n I believe we both helped each other – she could talk freely and openly about her own menopause journey, and her wise advice helped to reduce my shocking symptoms.<\/p>\n And in our own way, we broke the family taboo. Menopause is, after all, a natural process for women \u2013 nothing to be ashamed of or hidden away, leaving us to suffer in silence.<\/p>\n Mom\u2019s love and support helped me to have a positive view of my menopause, and we connected at a deeper level. She made me see that I am my own beauty queen – I\u2019m just going through a new stage in my life.<\/p>\n This act of unity between a Caribbean mom and a British daughter cemented an already strong relationship. Strong, but not silent.<\/p>\n For more stories, advice and interviews, head to the\u00a0Menopause Your Way Stories hub<\/a>. To browse and shop a curated edit of menopause products, visit the\u00a0Menopause Your Way page on QVC<\/a>.<\/p>\n The content of the QVC website is for information only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on the QVC website.<\/em><\/p>\n We understand there\u2019s a lot of information out there on the menopause. You can read through the\u00a0<\/em>NICE guidance on menopause management<\/i><\/a>, as well as the\u00a0<\/em>NHS overview on the menopause<\/i><\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" On the Caribbean island where they lived, my great gran and my grandma were feminist trailblazers. They kept their own animals, selling them to earn their own money; they had their own bank accounts; they were proud, powerful, self-sufficient women. Such things were unheard of in their traditional, rural village. 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