Farewell, my little Pixie

I’ll begin with an apology for the massive hiatus in my blog posts. My darling Pixiecat has been my priority for a number of months now, as you may know if you’re connected with me on my Instagram, Twitter or Facebook pages where I’ve been able to provide little updates here and there. When I write a blog, I like to take a bit more time and usually have a whole lot more to say than one little tweet or post can convey. Thank you for bearing with me.

If you regularly read my blogs, you’ll be aware that Pixie was diagnosed with bone cancer which, despite every avenue being explored, was only treatable with palliative care. We made sure she had the best possible care at home with us and that her final months were the most peaceful, happy and loving that any being could wish for. Sadly, the time I was dreading came and the worst decision I’ve ever had to make was staring me in the face. Pixie peacefully passed on the 27th of August.

My heart is full of gratitude for having had 13 years of Pixiecat magic filling our home and our lives with a very special kind of love. I’m also forever grateful that we at least, had time to come to terms with what was ahead. As heart-breaking as it was, I think it would have been a million times harder to have lost her suddenly, without any warning. I was able to take some time off work to spend more precious moments with her, researched thoroughly about what to expect and, importantly for me, make plans for her to take her final sleep at home where she is now laid to rest.

Over the past few months so many of you have shared your own stories, each one just as unique as every one of our animal companions. I’ve shed more than a few tears for you as well for my own situation. Many have not had the luxury of time or a peaceful passing for their beloved little friends. My heart breaks for you. I’m gently placing a virtual arm around your shoulders and having a cry with you. I wish you healing, through time and memories of all that made your heart aglow with love for them.

As an ambassador for The Good Grief Trust charity, and having suffered losses of friends and family members, I am no stranger to grief. Sadly, it’s the one certainty we all share. It will, inevitably, touch our lives at some point. Thankfully, through awareness, we are all starting to allow ourselves to acknowledge and talk about our grief. For me, this is very important. Not to stay stuck in the past but to find a way to work through the grief so that we are able to make some peace with it. To move forward in way which honours those we had to say our goodbyes to and allows us to adjust to life without them.

When I found out Pixie only had a short time left, months at best, I began to plan and prepare myself. I wanted to ensure I was doing everything I could during her life but also at the very end of it. I watched quite a few videos of people saying their final goodbyes to their furry friends. We are all different but, for me, this was the right thing to do. I have mentioned previously that, though pets had died when I was a child, I had never had to be the one to either make the decision for their life to come to an end or been with them at the moment they left. I was very thankful that people had filmed that very intimate moment because I felt the need to know what to expect. I had prepared myself and my two adult children for the possibility of some upsetting but natural eventualities which sometimes occur. Fortunately, to all of our relief, Pixie’s was the most gentle, peaceful passing. I’d go so far as to say it was as beautiful as something of this nature could be.

Seeing as I felt gratitude to those who had shared what they had been through when saying goodbye to their pets I thought I’d share some things with you regarding our own goodbyes. Perhaps it may be of some help to you or someone you know who may be going through something similar.

Pixie was a remarkably zen cat who remained unfazed and resilient throughout her life. She was a sweet girl but would defend her territory when the need arose. If a strange cat strayed into our garden whilst she and her sister, Popsiecat, were inside she would rush to the patio doors and try to see them off with screeching and limbs flailing! Popsie, conversely, would retreat to safety behind a sofa or chair and simply hiss intermittently despite being the slightly more sturdily built of the two. A few years ago, Pixie and another local cat got into a really nasty fight. Pix came strutting into the house without a complaint and I thought she’d got off lightly until I saw a rip in her leg several inches long! Thankfully our vets are amazing and managed to stitch her up, but she didn’t even wince. Nothing seemed to bother her. Any pain she ever suffered she took in her stride.

During Pixie’s last few weeks I noticed she seemed to be in some discomfort at times when her painkillers were wearing off, but she was still playful on some days right up until a few days prior to her passing. People had been telling me that you just know when the time comes, and the suffering needs to come to an end. I wasn’t sure, though. She became a little slower and didn’t seem to be able to see so well out of her eye on the side of the tumour so misjudged a couple of jumps to the sofa, but she still seemed happy and was eating plenty.

The time of ‘knowing’ people had spoken about came a couple of days prior to her final day with us. She moved very little and when she did get up, she was looking uncomfortable. It was taking time for her to rearrange herself and she did so very gingerly. My wonderful vets and I had the necessary discussion to ascertain or, really, I suppose, confirm what I suspected. It was time.

I had confirmed with them a while before that, when the time came, they would come to the garden and that it would be OK for me to keep her body for home burial rather than have her be taken away. We all must choose what is right for us and our families. For me, I just felt I couldn’t bear to be parted from her even in death, so I explored the possibilities in advance. They said she would be OK for the next couple of days on an increased dose of her medication until the appointment.

The night before ‘the day’ my daughter came home from Bristol with her boyfriend, Harry, so she could say goodbye, too. Pixie had been her friend for half of Chrissie’s life, after all. Harry has also known and loved our cats for several years. Though I’d been bringing Pixie into my bedroom to sleep for the last few weeks of her life in case she needed me, I decided to place her in her bed (incidentally from Silentnight at QVC and their favourite beds of all I ever tried with them) next to her sister for her last night with us. When my son, Tom, Chrissie and I got up it appeared neither of them had moved all night.

My wonderful partner, Jamie, stayed in bed a little longer, as did Harry, whilst the ‘three musketeers’, as I’d often called my children and I, spent some time with Pix and Pops. It was a lovely little time afforded to us five who had spent so many years together. We drank coffee, chatted and took it in turns to give Pixie some love and cuddles. Chrissie had recently written a new song which Tom and I asked her to play for us. It was beautiful. A very calm song with some poignant words which were pertinent to our situation. It’s called Ladybird and it’s about the inevitability of time, growing older and acceptance. A few lyrics particularly stood out to me, but this was the one I’ll always remember about that morning; “don’t be scared, I’ll meet you there”. It could have been me saying it to her, but I think it was more of a metaphor, which could have been from Pixie to us. I like to think of her waiting at the end of that famed rainbow bridge people speak of, until we meet again. If there’s some truth in it, Pix, you can count on us meeting you there, my love.

Jamie and Harry joined us a little later. All safely distanced, I might add. We had some food and then prepared the little wicker casket I’d bought some weeks earlier. It had four handles on the outside, which we decorated with rainbow ribbons for lowering into her final resting place when the time came. The day before I had visited my favourite florist and chosen flowers especially for Pixie. I chose beautiful bright, celebratory colours which reflected the happiness and vibrancy she had brought to our lives. These were to surround her in her forever bed once she’d passed. Popsie absolutely adores flowers and always sits next to them when I have them. As you can see, these special blooms got her approval.

Over the past few months Pixie had taken to sleeping on a special pillow. It was a brand new one I’d bought for myself from QVC but once it was unwrapped, she decided it was hers. I would carry her, like the little Pixie Princess she was, from room to room on it. She’d even sleep in the bathroom on it while I had my baths. I chose this happy, familiar pillow for her to rest upon when the time for goodbye was to come. On top of it I placed one of my daughter’s childhood blankets.

When the vet and his nurse came, we gathered in the garden, safely. I carefully lifted Pixie so she was laying over my shoulder, a favourite little cuddling position, and carried her outside. I sat down in a chair and placed her on the pillow on my lap. Popsie usually runs and hides when strangers come to the house, but she was contentedly weaving her way around the vet and assistant’s feet. Jamie, Tom, Chrissie and Harry assembled standing in a kind of socially distanced semi-circle facing us.

Our vet is the best. All the staff are so kind and really care for their patients and their families. Andy, our vet, looked at Pixie and confirmed how much bigger the tumour had become in only a matter of days and that this was the right time. He and his nurse arranged their equipment on the table next to us whilst I stroked Pixie and told her how much we all loved her. She was so tired and didn’t even move when Andy gave her an injection with sedation. It’s possible she may not have even needed it, but I chose for her to be sedated so she’d have that peaceful feeling and wouldn’t have to feel any stress. I could see her little shoulders relax as she seemed to sink further into the pillow, tension leaving her tired little body. After about ten minutes or so Andy prepared the site for the injection which would end her suffering forever. Even this was a very gentle and kind act of snipping away some fur with scissors and placing it onto the table rather than a noisy electric clipper. I put the clipped fur into my pocket. I’m not really sure why.

I turned her toward me to look into her eyes. I could see her poorly eye looking much clearer than it had in weeks and her pupils were dilating but she was still with us, the strong little trooper that she was. Andy said he’d like to give her one more injection as her little heart was still beating and she was breathing. This time I knew the ‘rainbow express had arrived, and she was boarding that train to the rainbow bridge’. Andy waited some time and checked her heart and other signs before looking up at me and, tenderly, saying the words I’ll never forget, “she’s gone”.

They packed up their things as we thanked them for their kindness and they quietly left us with our dear angel. When I was ready, I stood and carried my darling girl back into the house on her pillow and placed her on the floor. It was important to me that Popsie could say goodbye. I had researched plenty about remaining pets grieving and was determined Pops wouldn’t be left wondering where she had gone by ensuring she sniffed Pixie. They seem to know and, apparently, this can help them with the loss of their companion by acknowledging the finality of the situation.

I placed Pixie into her little casket and then we lay flowers all around her. She looked so beautiful. We also put a tuft of Popsiecat’s fur in with her (and we saved the little clipping of Pixie’s for the, hopefully far away in the future, time when Popsie has her final farewell) along with a funny little sign saying ‘Pixie, PhD’ which my son made years earlier. We left the lid off and all took time to stroke her and arrange the flowers.

I went to get changed out of what I had been wearing and soon started to realise I was stalling for time. The moment I’d dreaded the most was placing her in the grave we had, thankfully, dug weeks prior to the day. It had taken two of us half a day. I ended up stalling for about two hours. I carried her basket over to the breakfast bar with me and chatted to her as I put a wash on and did some dishes. Even at the time I felt slightly bonkers, but I guess it’s a self-preservation mechanism which went into autopilot mode for a while.

Finally, I decided the time had come. Chrissie’s boyfriend had to attend video meetings for work, so it was just Jamie, Tom, Chrissie and myself. I chose not to have Pops outside with us just in case she hadn’t fully understood and might be wondering what was going on. We said a final goodbye before placing and securing the lid and then we lowered her into the grave and placed more flowers on top after we had sung silly songs which we’d made up for her and her sister over the years as we ‘laugh-cried’. It started to rain as we refilled the hole. Finally, as a temporary measure, we placed two paving stones on top to deter any other animal visitors from digging. On top of one of these I placed a sleeping cat ornament which the children’s father had gifted me when we moved in to this house. Next to this, another handful of pretty flowers.

I felt so proud of everyone. I felt enormous relief that Pixie had passed so gently, too. It was a day etched, indelibly, into my memory. Sad, yes, but as beautiful as it could have been. Dignified, caring, loving, gentle and fitting for such a soul.

Popsie misses her sister, I’m sure. She’s been spending time sitting on her grave. She seems to be getting a little closer to us. As I type, she is sitting next to me, looking up at me with her sweet, lovely eyes. The little sleeping cat ornament is a placeholder, whilst I wait for a sculpture I’ve commissioned to be made as a happy little tribute and marker of Pixie’s resting place. Seeing as I’ve written such a lengthy blog this week, perhaps I’ll tell you more about that next time. Oh, and I must tell you about the butterflies, too.

Grief is like a rollercoaster. One day, I’m coasting along just fine and enjoying the ride of life, the next I am hurtling out of control with my heart in my mouth. I’d actually liken it to labour contractions. Just fine and then all of a sudden, it’s like you are caught in a vice-like grip of intense pain that leaves you breathless and exhausted. I keep finding myself saying over and over in my head and aloud, ‘I just can’t believe she’s gone’. Despite that, I will always feel her with me, and I am honoured to have shared her life right until the very end. A love like that won’t ever die.

Something I cannot even begin to express is the gratitude for all of your comments, sentiments, advice, gifts, books, cards and love. I’ve been moved beyond words. Thank you, a million times over wouldn’t be overstating it. I hope all good karma is returned tenfold to you.

Here’s to all of our animal companions and all that they teach us and give us during their lifetimes and beyond. My deepest love to you all.

Finally… Pixie, you will always be one of the brightest stars in my sky. I’ll never forget you. I’ll always love you. Thank you for gracing our lives with the wonderful being of you.

Love, Catherine xx

94 Responses

  1. Catherine so so sorry for you lose I have cried reading your blog about your wonderful beautiful cat pixie.They really do become a big part of the family and break your heart to lose them. Look after yourselves and love to you and your family. Love Pauline.

  2. Catherine, I have no words except – moving, beautiful, what a lovely send off for your beloved Pixie. With tears in my eyes i send you a big hug. You were so lucky to have had Pixie and she was so lucky to have had your love and been a big part of your family. Losing a pet can be so truly heart breaking xx

    1. Aww Catherine just read this in tears. I am so sorry that you have lost Pixie at my heartbreaks for you. I have had cats for many years & losing every single one of them has broken my heart.

      I have 2 rescue boys. Bailey age don’t know but probably around 15 gorgeous Snow Bengal & Basil poo bum age 2 Tabby.

      I hope Popsiecat is coping OK without her dear sister.

      Much Love Jane, Bailey & Basil poo bum xxx

      1. Catherine, I could barely read this for the tears 😢 streaming down my face! You gave your darling Pixie a wonderful life with yourself and your family and a beautiful time before her final resting place.
        I hope and pray that I’ll be able to do the same when my baby girl, Willow passes. I hope it won’t be for a long time yet, although I’m not sure how old she is as she adopted me 4 and a half years ago. She was weak and scared when she came to me and is not a lap cat, but let’s you know when she wants attention. She’s already had to have her tail amputated because she kept biting it for some reason and has had bad pancreatitis, but she is well loved and spoilt with lots of home cooked chicken and fish. I hope she doesn’t think I’m a bad human mum. She’s my world 🌎 and I’m dreading the day I have to say goodbye to her.
        Much love to you, your family and sweet Popsie xxx

  3. Catherine I sorry to hear about your beautiful pixie. I am in tears. Brings back so many memories for me. Best wishes. Antoinette

  4. That was beautiful I have sat and read your story and my eyes are streaming, the love we have for our pets is lovely. Your story was so nice it should be published. Carole Cooper Wigan

  5. Catherine. this is the news I have been dreading and expecting. My heart goes out to you over your loss.

    I will be giving my own fur babies extra cuddles today and appreciating our time together.

    Much love


  6. Oh Catherine I’m sobbing reading your blog Im so sorry for your loss I too have an elderly cat whom I adore. Pixiecat was absolutely beautiful and very lucky to have such a caring owner. Take care XX Carole

  7. Oh Catherine, what a very sad but beautiful blog, shouldn’t have read it at work as tears are flowing!! Take care and big hugs xx

  8. Hi Catherine. I am sorry for your loss. We have a cat Gizzy.She is 24 believe it or not,she is the light of
    our lives.She walked in 12 years ago and never left.She has cataracts,3 legs and no tail but is marvellous for
    her age.However much time she has left,we will always love her unconditionally.
    I lost my brother in April so its been a truly awful year.

  9. I am so so sorry Catherine. We lost a precious little one this year and still getting over it. As you say one day fine then the next day a bubbling mess. It takes time and I think they take a tiny bit of our hearts with them. You gave her so much love and a wonderful life. Sleep well Pixie over rainbow bridge. Sending love and hugs.
    Sandra xxxx

  10. Dear Catherine
    My heart ache for you at the lose of your lovely little Pixie
    Wa lost our perfect special little boy in May .
    He was beautiful silver grey white tummy and white feet
    very fluffy a great thick bushy tail tuffs of hair from his lovely ears
    and great big eyes .He was Mazda as he was the same colour as the car we had when he was born
    Being in the shut down we were not allowed in the vets just handed him to
    them and had to sit in the car.
    We bought him home so he is still with us we have lots of chats Mazda was a very vocal cat
    we d talk for ages when he was with us
    My love to you
    Pauline xxxxxx

  11. Oh Catherine, I am so very, very, sorry for the loss of your beloved Pixie, I am crying as I type this…there are no words that I can offer you, honestly Catherine my heart goes out to you. Be strong, take care and, hard as it maybe, try to remember all the happiness, pleasure and love that Pixie gave you over the years, these memories do not fade and stay with you forever….once again please accept my genuine thoughts at this sad time.

  12. I was really moved by your sad but beautiful account of Pixies last few days , you must miss her dreadfully. This especially as our dog Molly has kidney disease and is herself on borrowed time and we like you are having to prepare for the worst. I hope we manage it with as much grace and compassion as yourself, although we are tearful and struggling at times already, she has been with me every day since she was 6 weeks old, I can’t imagine her not being around. It was lovely to read an account from someone with as much love for their animals and hope that you are coming to terms with the loss and trust that she is forever in your heart.xx

  13. So very sorry Catherine for your loss of little Pixie, I know from past experiences the heart brake of loosing a pet. They are something about having them that really melts your heart. Lots of love to you and your family. Brendaxxxx

  14. Dear Catherine
    I’ve sat reading your blog with tears streaming down my face. Animal lovers only know that feeling of,losing a precious pet. I lost my cat in similar circumstances and was told I was stupid for feeling that way. I won’t forget that person and hope they never experience something in their lives so heart rippingly sad. My thoughts are with you and at least you have your precious memories of her. Take care. Judith xx

  15. Catherine,
    I know how you feel but you must know that your darling cat loved you and she in turn knew you loved her. So sad when a faithfull friend leaves is but you will meet again and have more kisses and hugs. My darling kitten Cookie was taken from my garden and I didn’t know where she was and I searched with a heavy heart. Anyway, I received a call from a vet to ask if Cookie was mine and that she had been killed. My heart was completely broken and I was in bits. I now have another kitten (after 18 months as I could not bring myself to have another grey kitten). He is so beautiful and I have named him Munchkin. He is a rescue cat and is completely different to any other cat I have known. My point is that whilst you will never forget Pixie, your heart will heal in time and you can have peace knowing you did everything you could for your dear friend. Take care Catherine – he will always be in your heart. Lusia xx

  16. Oh Catherine, how sad, and how amazing at the same time. So eloquently written, but heart wrenching. I was crying with you while reading this. Pixie has enriched your lives so much, and the wonderful memories you must have of her time with you. Peace be with all of you. So long Pixiecat and RIP.

  17. A big virtual hug to you, yours and Popsie. That was a perfect blog to say so long, just for now, to a perfect Pixie cat. ”May the fur be with you” whenever you catch a glimpse of that furry star in your sky. (Poetical licence from ‘May the force be with you’ StarWars – because they will be, with you, always).

  18. I was very sad to hear about Pixie and all my love and thoughts are with you. I lost my cocker spaniel to cancer 13 years ago and still miss her. You never forget them and to pain of losing them is at times unbearable. But you have rejoice in the happiness and love they gave you while they were in this life. I now have another wee dog who i adore and helped me to heal. Love to you Catherine and God bless. Elaine & Poppy dog xxxx

  19. I can’t bear to read this but you have all my sympathies. I knew you would tell us when the time came and my heart has been with you and all those going through the same. Catherine, I’m so very sorry and I’m not going to give any words of consolation because I know from experience there are none to be had. My heart bleeds for you. Much love, SheMag

  20. Oh Catherine, your blog has moved me to tears. I’m so sorry; Pixie was such a beautiful cat and your love for her shines through. She must have had a very happy life and you gave her a wonderful send off. Lots of love xxx

  21. Hi Catherine, I have been thinking about you for months and as I don’t do social Media I have looked you up on Debbie’s blog.
    Nobody could have done it better it was a absolutely wonderful saying goodbye.
    I pray that all your wonderful memories of yesterday’s with Pixie help you through all your Tomorrow’s.
    God Bless you. Jan x

  22. Catherine, thank you for sharing your story of your last few days with your darling Pixiecat, altho it made me cry, I appreciate that it was harder for you. I have done this same journey with all of my cats in the past and dread the time I have to do it again with my two now.
    I know you will never forget her or Popsiecat. Take care and give Popsiecat lots of hugs. I believe we meet up with our pets when the time comes.

  23. Woh Catherine the tears are streaming down my face
    What a beautiful cat Pixie was and what a wonderful tribute you have penned
    I think you have done an amazing job for Pixie in treating her with kindness and respect in her last days you truly are a special lady
    Take each day as it comes but it sounds like you gave your all so never forget that because Pixie certainly didn’t You were both so lucky to have each other
    Take care Catherine and be kind to yourself 💕🌈

  24. Oh! Catherine I am so sorry you have lost dear little Pixie, she was a beautiful little girl and had a lovely life with you and Popsi. I lost my little cat last August, he was 19 years old, we called him Jess cat. I miss him every day. Pixie will always have a special place in your heart. Take care, love Carol N x

  25. Hello Catherine, reading your story brought back the memories of my much loved and adored poodle Louis. I t is now 10 years since I had to have him put to sleep as he was very poorly. It is never an easy decision to make, but I know it was the the right one. My heart goes out to you. As anyone who loves animals as much as we do knows it is a very difficult choice, but I never wanted him to suffer for one moment. But we must remember the good times.
    I must say what a beautiful angelic face Pixie had and reading your story can tell she had a very sweet nature as you do. I have had to stop writing a few times as the tears keep coming. I had been wondering how things were progressing but realised to write your presenters blogs would have been hard for you over the last few months. When I read stories in the paper and watch programmes on television it breaks my heart to see how animals are treated. I will finish here as I know you will be upset reading all our stories. But I am sending you all my love and best wishes. It will take time, but you will get there in the end. I thoroughly enjoyed your show this afternoon with Anna Griffin. I have just got back into card making again after a 7 year break. I found lockdown sooooo difficult as I lost my mum with Covid 19, and found myself thinking and just sitting on my bed my head was not in a good place. I thought I would take up card making again and I absolutely love it, the best thing I have done.
    Lots of love Nikki X

  26. Last August I lost my two Tonkinese, brother and sister, within a week of one another. Both pts due to ill health. They were 15 and I’d had them since they were kittens. Losing both was I think better for them as it meant one wasn’t left alone but for me it was too much, even the vet said it was so cruel for fate to have taken both from me at the same time. I live alone and after both had gone I couldn’t even go home for a while. It just broke me.

  27. So sorry for your loss Catherine, when I read your blog this morning I was crying too much to write a comment, it is so sad when have to say goodbye for now but you will meet again to do believe that.
    Such a beautiful pussy cat and be glad you met each other and have all those years together, take care and remember the memories.

  28. Dear Catherine, I’m in tears reading your beautiful words. What a special place our “fur babies” hold in our hearts. You gave Pixiecat so much love and I’m sure it was returned to you ten-fold. Sending you and Popsiecat lots of love and “cwtches”. My little fur baby Minky sends love to you all too. Xxx

  29. Dear Catherine, what a beautiful (if that’s the right word) but poignant blog, my heart goes out to you and I don’t mind saying I shed a few tears reading it.

    Little Pixie was one lucky cat being truly loved so much, and I’m sure your wonderful memories will help you through this difficult time (as well as your lovely Jamie and your family 😊).

    Sending you a big hug, lots of love, Anne x

  30. Oh Catherine I’m in floods of tears, what wonderful words you use describing your final moments with your gorgeous Pixie cat. It took me back, almost 20 years now, to when I had the need to put my wonderful cat Barty to sleep.

    Your memories will last a lifetime.

    Sending you a big hug, love Mags xx

  31. Catherine, tears were streaming down my face as I read this. So beautifully written you can feel your love for Pixie shining through the words. What a fitting tribute. Pixie was a gorgeous cat.

    What memories you have of her xx

  32. Oh Catherine that was so beautifully written, it brought tears to my eyes.
    I too have experienced what you have when my cat Biscuit had a tumour and we had to have him put to sleep, he was 16 years old and we had had him since he was 10 weeks old, both of my boys had grown up with him..
    It was the hardest decision ever but i knew the time was right when he was struggling to eat and walk.
    Beautiful Biscuit is buried in our garden under a Rose bush.
    We now have 2 more cats and they will never take the place of Biscuit, they are 10 and 9 now and are just gorgeous
    Sending you a virtual hug
    Take Care, love Tessa xx

  33. Oh Catherine, I cried the whole way through reading this beautifully written round up of little Pixiecats life. She looked adorable and a very elegant little lady, that you had the pleasure of living with.
    How you wrote the day of her passing I almost imagined myself with you there, but it sounded beautiful how you went about thinking of her resting on her favourite pillow, as a cats mum I can say you really did her proud Catherine.

  34. So sorry for you and family I have been crying and all the way though this brilliant blog you and your family are such caring people and I wish you all the love you deserve your fur baby will watch over you forever xx🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

  35. Oh Catherine I’m in tears. So sorry.
    It’s been a while since I’ve been owned by a cat, but your blog brought back all those feelings of that dreadful moment when you have to say goodbye. You gave her the best life and the best end – the final kindness. Lots of love x

  36. Catherine, I’m so sorry for your loss, I have 2 cats, one of them we call a ‘cadog’ he is loyal, loving and never leaves my side. He means more to me than some humans that I know !! Your blog, is lovely and made me cry. I’m glad that you were blessed with a beautiful fur baby and great memories, lots if love 💘

  37. What wonderful writing. Thankyou for sharing. We have a beautiful birman and even though he can be quite aloof and a rascal at times nipping ankles and bare legs, the thought of him passing is unbearable. Follow your posts on Instagram and was dreading hearing Pixies time had come. Sending the biggest virtual hug xox

  38. Hi Catherine

    So sorry to hear about this sad day.

    I am upset reading this and as I type this reply, can hardly see for my cloudy eyes.

    All I can say is that we lost a brother and sister a few years ago, 17 and 18:respectively – I was so heart broken to say the least and wondered how I could deal with this.

    This is how I did it: I thought how lucky I and my family were to have had them both in our lives – no one else had the privilege – and it so, of caring and loving them like we did. We were lucky to have had them for all those years – no one else, just us and that is how I accepted it.

    I also email/ chatted to the Red Cross animal line who have volunteers on a chat line if you wish to express your thoughts – they are so caring.

    Just think how lucky you are to have had her and how much she loved you all.

    Hope this helps. Take care.


  39. Oh Catherine, I’ve cried all through reading this. We lost my granddaughter’s cat 4 weeks ago, she is grieving too and it breaks my heart to see her trying to come to terms with it. Perhaps Minnie has met up with Pixiecat over rainbow 🌈 bridge Sending much love and hugs. Xx

  40. So sorry to hear your sad news. I have had to make that awful choice twice. My sister sent me the following poem on the last occasion. I thought you might like to read it. x

    A Cat’s Prayer
    If it should be, that I grow frail and weak,
    And pain should keep me from my sleep,
    Then, you must do what must be done
    For this, the last battle, can’t be won.
    Don’t let your grief stay your hand,
    For this day more than the rest,
    Your love and friendship stand the test.
    We’ve had so many years,
    What is to come can hold no fear.
    You’d not want me to suffer, so
    When the time comes, please let me go.
    Take me where my needs they’ll tend,
    Only, stay with me to the end
    And hold me firm and speak to me
    Until my eyes no longer see.
    I know in time you’ll see it is a kindness you do for me
    Although my tail its last has waved,
    From pain and suffering I’ve been saved.
    Don’t grieve it should be you who this thing decides to do.
    We’ve been so close, we two, these years,
    Don’t let your heart hold tears.

    Author: Unknown

  41. Aww Catherine, such a lovely worded encounter of them day’, it broke my heart to read it.
    Well done for doing everything you did for Pixie cat, I’m sorry for your loss.
    Sending much love and loads of hugs, Sue xxx

  42. Dear Catherine what a beautiful blog, my tears are rolling for your sweet little Pixie, bless her little paws. She was a beautiful little soul and I am sure you have wonderful memories to recall. We never get over the passing of a loved one but we learn to live with it. I have two beautiful Maine Coon cats that my heart bursts with love for but I never ever forget my cats that have passed over the Rainbow Bridge. Take care beautiful Catherine. lots of love from Carolyn xxx

  43. Catherine-I’m so sorry for your sad loss. Your loss of Pixie poignantly resonates with me having lost my seven year old beloved rescue cat unexpectedly, suddenly and without any warning two months ago. I still cannot get over the shock of her sudden passing, and being without her is just awful. She was devoted to me as I was to her. Being a cat lover all my life perhaps I’ll eventually have another one but at the moment I can’t even think about that possibility. I do feel your pain and try and console myself with the thought that I gave her the best, happy life I possibly could after the awful life she had before she came to live with me. My thoughts are with you.

  44. When i saw your post at work today i knew i couldn’t read it then as i would cry so i saved it for now, im sobbing and cant read it for tears! Beautifully written and brought back memories of my pusskat who crossed the rainbow bridge in january, you’re right about when you just know its time. My son bought us a kitten as a surprise during lockdown as he knew how badly we missed our boy. Sending all my love and hugz Tx

  45. Catherine what a lovely photo of you and your pixie cat , such a beautiful cat with her lovely caring eyes so to touching you can see the love you have for each other ,and Popsie sitting sitting by her sisters resting place ,she is beautiful as well , I cried as I read your blog ,so hard to let go of the ones we love , but as you say she is always with you , and hopefully time will heal and you can Remember all the happy memories you have of her and you still have your gorgeous Popsie ,
    Sending you lots of love Karen xx

  46. Catherine, that was so beautifully written and I felt every word. It was emotional to read, but nothing compared to the loss and pain you feel. Your plans, your research, your care and your love for Pixie shows what a thoughtful, loving and caring person you are. You treated Pixie with dignity, and showed her how precious she was. And as you spoke of how the day unfolded it was the most beautiful goodbye. I am so so sorry for your loss, but do believe she is with you, watching you with her caring beautiful eyes. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us, which I am sure will help people with their own grief and loss.

  47. My beautiful girl, I am so amazed by you and the way you have taken such wonderful care of both Popsie and Pixie. Your description of her final days is so moving and tender, and so generously shared . I know how very distressed you have been and are still suffering ,and I am glad that you have so many people who understand your sorrow. Take care of yourself and love to you and all the family ,including Jamie and Popsie. I love you xxx Mum xxx

  48. Dearest Catherine, I’ve left so many comments on instagram during everything you have been through with Pixie. As you know i too have been through the same thing losing 2 if my beautiful cats! I have felt your sadness and pain with you, even reading this blog i was in tears as i understood every word you said and your feelings, it also bought back the sadness of the day i said goodbye to my furbaby last year….you will never get over the loss, you learn to carry on and live with it, even now 15 months lata i sit and cry occasionally, as i miss her so much and can’t believe she’s gone! We have to console ourselves with the fact that we gave them the best life, full of love & happiness! Hold your love and memories of pixie close in your heart❤. Sending you and popsie lots of love ,& hugs xxx💗💗💗

  49. I’m sitting here crying as I know your pain. I didn’t get a chance to spend time with my dog Roddie MacDonald a good Scottish name that James might appreciate. It broke my heart that his ending was in a strange place with strange people but they said he wouldn’t make it home. My sister and I thought we were taking him up for a wee jag to make him feel better but obviously that wasn’t the case. I still can’t remember how my sister managed to drive home, when we got there the back garden was full of family and friends who were in shock. Roddie was 12 nearly 13. His sister was in France she came home the following week and came to see us and she was out in the garden wondering around, after a wee while we couldn’t find her and we started panicking, where was she the garden is a walled garden so we knew she couldn’t get out. We found her, lying under the Acer tree next to the pond where we put Roddie to rest. She knew her brother was there which amazed us. She has joined him now as this was a few years ago so they are together. Your beautiful popsiecat will knows where her best friend is and will be getting comfort being on his resting place. Lots of Love. 💕

  50. Catherine….the tears are flowing at the sadness of your loss.

    I understand and too had to make that dreaded decision for my Harvey in June, he was my little Yorkshire terrier….he was my baby really, such a mummies boy…I will never get over it or how Covid prevented me being with him…I had no choice but regret that terribly….I wasn’t there for him when he needed me the most…..

    Take care, your Pixie cat is free from any pain now…it’s us humans left to suffer the grief and loss X

  51. Such a sad story. I am crying my eyes out. It is all a reminder of losing my own cats. I cuddled them at the end too. I had three and one jumped into my neighbour’s garden, who had dogs and was found dead by one of the dogs so we never really know what happened. My other two got old and ill and I could be with them. It is so sad when we lose our furry friends but you know you gave that cat a wonderful life and gave her everything you could. She was so lucky to have you.
    Sending love

  52. I feel for you all Catherine as i know that hurt , i too lost a loving cat Sooty to cancer 3 yrs ago. Your beautiful story had me in tears for the last loving thing you could have done for little Pixie. Im sure she was very happy to feel such love right to the end.

  53. Catherine, how heartbreaking for, such a touching photo of you both , you can see the love you have for her and her for you, it so hard to let them go but you have all you wonderful memories of the years you had with her and as you say she is always with you , and you have your beautiful Popsie.
    Lot of love
    Karen xx

  54. Catherine, I am so sorry for your loss.I am sure Pixie had a wonderful cherished life with you and your family.It is heartbreaking when we have to say goodbye to our fur babies and one of the hardest decisions we have to make, but also the kindest.I am still heartbroken after nearly two years,at having to make that decision for my beautiful Eva aged 7 who had an inherited kidney disease.I also previously lost her sister aged 4 to the same horrible disease.I am sure Pixie is watching over you pain free and pray the rainbow bridge reunion is true for all of us.

    I am not gone
    I remain here beside you
    Just in a different form
    Look for me in your heart
    and there you will find me
    in our love which forever lives on
    In those moments when you feel alone
    Look for me in your thoughts
    And there you will find me
    in sweet memories that burn strong
    Every time a tear
    Forms in your beautiful eyes
    Look up to the heavens
    And there you will see me
    Smiling down from a God’s glorious skies

    Lots of love Angela x

  55. Dearest Catherine, I am writing this with so many tears in my eyes that I can hardly see the keyboard. You were so lucky to have had Pixie in your life and she was so lucky to have had you ! I believe our pets are sent to only us for a reason. That’s why I believe Pixie was always meant to be with you ! Our furry babies are gifts from God and anyone who truly appreciates and loves an animal really knows that they have a special kind of “knowing” and a love that transcends human love. They give unconditionally with all of their being and ask for very little back in return. The love you both shared was indicative of the beautiful, and very dignified goodbye that you gave her. I have a furry baby myself, a beautiful lurcher , Bella who I love more than words can ever express. God bless you Catherine and I will be saying a special prayer tonight for you and your darling Pixie. You will one day meet up again of that I am sure.

  56. Love and hugs to you all. Xxx I am so sad for you.

    I never had the chance to say farewell to my much loved black Burmese called Topsy. He developed kidney failure whilst I was living a long way from my parents and they didn’t have the heart to tell me they had had him sent on his final journey. He was like me: a little chunky at times, contradictory, hugely independent. He was the softest, loveliest, soppiest furry ball of fluff right up till he became very poorly and lost all his puffy fluffiness. I still miss him even after 30 odd years. I can see him crouching at the patio doors waiting to pounce on the birds on the patio (yes head butting the glass in the process). I wouldn’t yet have another pet as my life doesn’t fit that model right now. Maybe one day. But I still have him in my heart and you will always have her there too.

    Thinking of you all, we feel your ache and send you oodles and buckets of love. Remember she loved you in the way only cats can and you clearly adored and loved her more than words can express and that will never be taken away…. 💗

  57. Dear Catherine
    How eloquently you write your lovely story. Such a sad day when you say your final goodbye to a beloved pet. I have to say over the years I have had many ocassion to do this. But I know they are now all happy. waiting for me and playing together at the rainbow bridge. My husband decided to join them all last year so he will be very content to be with them patiently waiting for me. I still have one companion left with me and my thoughts are who will go first, I don’t want to wish her ill, but I hope it is Peppa, then I won’t have to worry she is in a loving home. Will you have another furry friend in time, I hope so as to me all my 15 Siames cats over the years have welcomed me home just as a dog would, and when one goes you miss that like hell. The house to me is never the same without a 4 legged friend to help you and be there for you nas they always are. Pixie will always be with you and it surprising how many of her traits would be passed to a newcomer, it is though they are guiding them from their happy place.. All the best Jacqueline

  58. Catherine, thank you for that beautiful blog. I am so sorry for your loss. One thing that helped me when I lost my darling fur baby was to write down all the funny things I could think of about our life together in a list. This was several years ago but, as with human death, the pain is always there. However, I can now look back at my list and smile/laugh and find it really helps on my gloomy-do days. Lots of love and a big virtual hug to you xx 🤗

  59. You are a real inspiration. I lost my beloved Birman 4 years ago next week. I know how you feel. I also believe in Rainbow Bridge. God bless you you are my favourite presenter. I am a Scot like your man.

    Stay safe.

    God bless.

  60. Dearest Catherine. Sitting here crying after reading about the passing of your beautiful Pixie. Wasn’t she blessed to be so loved. She will be forever in your heart. You are a special human being with so much thoughtfulness, love and care that you give to everyone, even those you don’t know. Thank you for sharing this sad experience. These beautiful animals get into your heart and stay there. Sending you and your loved ones so much love and hugs.
    Shelley xx

  61. Catherine, my heart goes out to you. I lost my cat, Tigger, last November, had him for nine years. Reading your blog I have just cried all the way through, brings back so much hurt. Tigger suddenly went down hill within the space of about 3 weeks – something wrong with his lungs – his breathing got worse, vets could not do anymore for him, so I had to make the decision to have him put down, otherwise he was going to struggle more than what he was. He was put to sleep at the vets, I remember him nibbling at my finger before he went to sleep, I think he knew what was happening. I talk to him and think of him every day, still have his ashes, which will be put in the garden – at some point – where he always sat. I miss him so much, he was my family, slept at the bottom of my bed – my wee hot water bottle.
    Lots of love and affection.
    Sandra xxxx

  62. Oh dear Catherine
    I have steeled myself to read this as, as you know, I lost my darling Mimi (a Lhasa apso)at end of May in lockdown, although it was at the vets it was so loving and non clinical. My vet also said to bring her “sister” who is her cousin but 2 yrs younger. At the time of Mimi’s passing Georgie was under my dear friend’s chair and she was shaking afterwards but she knew. I have her to comfort me and we are getting used to be a little duo but this made me cry once again. What a lucky cat Popsie car was and she’s over the 🌈 bridge with all our pets. My love to you all xxx

  63. I’ve never responded to anyone on qvc, but just had to, having read your final, totally sad words. I couldn’t read it all at once, it made me cry. I so understand your pain, but also the celebration of her life. I feel you are a very kind person. All my thoughts are with you.

  64. Dear Catherine

    My heart goes out to you, I’ve been there to so know what your going through. But hold on to your wonderful memories and pixiecat will always be with you.
    Big hug to you Catherine x

  65. Never wrote to any if you wonderful presenters before but oh my goodness I really felt I had to to you dear Catherine this post made me cry my eyes out you did all you could for pixie cat and then the wonderful way you laid her to rest peacefully broke my heart so touching I had a cat tessie for 20 years and even tho she was a great age was very good for her age but 1 day she disappeared never to return my heart still aches not knowing where she is we did everything to try and find her including offering a reward poster appeals all local animal sanctuaries all to no avail I wish I could have laid her to rest so beautifully like your little darling sending you and yours much love and support xxxx

  66. Hi Catherine I’ve just read your blog, my heart goes out to you and your family, I know what your going through, any animal becomes yours family, your babies, I’m so sorry to hear if your loss, much love to you x x x

  67. Dear Catherine
    So sorry to hear about Pixie. She was lucky to have lived with such a lovely caring family.
    I am an older person and have had several cats and they have been a joy. I still have one now a pretty tortoiseshell and white. She is diabetic but I get on well with the injections and she is a very happy and loving cat.
    I lost her sister Pippa a few months ago and they leave such a big hole behind – Pippa used to sleep in the bath and although she had been neutered she still attracted male cats and had several “boyfriends” who I used to feed occasionally too. She once disappeared for 6 days a few years ago and I never knew where she went but was so happy when she came home. She had so much personality and character that I missed her terribly.
    I hope the pain of losing Pixie soon gets less and you are able to look back and enjoy your memories of her. I have saved lots of favourite photos of mine for when I want to have a “Pippa moment”.
    Love Diana x

  68. I am reading your blog Catherine about pixie and I can’t stop crying. I have been there so I can relate to you..I am so very sorry about your loss but it was the best thing to do . Pixie will always be in your heart and thoughts and her spirit will never leave you.thinking of you always Catherine take care x x x x💜💜💜

  69. Hi Catherine

    I don’t usually comment on any of the blogs but this was so poignant it brought tears to my eyes as I remembered when I lost my little rescue cat JT who literally laid down to sleep and never woke up so my heart goes out to you. At least you still have Popsie cat so give her extra cuddles (which I’m sure you do anyway). Take care and know that Pixie cat is on Rainbow Bridge with lots of friends to keep her company. Lots of love to you.

  70. Dear Catherine,
    I am so sorry to hear about Pixie, I know how much you loved your Cats. Looking at her photos you put up of her made me cry.
    You think they are with you for ever, and when the time comes to say goodbye it is so hard, even though you are doing the right thing for them.
    I recently had to have one of my Labradors put to sleep, it was one I bred which seemed to make it harder. And yes it breaks your heart.
    Pixie had a lovely home and she knew she was loved, we never forget them, they are thought of everyday. And their companions miss them as much as we do.
    You take care.
    Love Jean xx

  71. This is the first time I have ever commented by any of the fanatic QVC presenters . My heart went out to Catherine and her family on the loss of they beloved Pixie , Catherine you wrote a beautiful piece about time to say good by to a precious member of your family , I sat and read through knowing it would bring tears . Pixie had a wonderful life with you ,I wish you all well.

  72. Dear Catherine,
    Heartfelt sympathies. Our animals are our children and the pain we feel when they leave us tears our hearts out. At 76 I have lost so many of my children and the pain never gets better Im afraid. The tragedy is they live such a short time compared to us. I am constantly questioning what is this life about because the suffering seems to out Weigh the joy. My sincere condolences., as an empathic I feel your pain.
    Yours Liz

  73. Dearest Catherine,What a beautiful soul you have.Your very lucky pixie was truly blessed to have you in her life,and Visa versa.She is at peace and knew she was loved.God bless you and your family.Warm regards Tina Thomas.x

  74. Thank you for sharing Pixiecat’s life and sad passing. You must be hurting dreadfully, he looked such a lovely boy. I too had to take the terrible decision to have my beautiful boy put to sleep just under a year ago, I still miss him, he was 21 years old and the light of my life, I am so grateful to have had him in my life. Only someone who has lost a much loved pet can know how much they mean to you and how much you miss them. Both you, Pixiecat and Popsiecat are in my thoughts and prayers.
    love from Patrice xx

  75. So sorry for your loss. I lost my fur baby inSeptember he was almost 17 we have now adopted a kitten he is 9 weeks old and have called him Odin he settled in well with our6 year old Boogie look after yourself and do get another fur baby 👶❤️😸

  76. Dearest Catherine,
    I just saw this whilst watching QVC, I cannot tell you how very sorry to hear of your loss of your beautiful Pixie. She was truly beautiful!! ❤
    As a huge cat lover myself I know your pain ..they touch our lives in so very many ways.
    Sending you lots of love and hugs. Donna xxx

  77. My heart goes out to you. We lost our 13 year old whippet in June and it broke our hearts to to make the decision to put him to sleep. He had heart disease and cancer and the medication didn’t work any longer. We couldn’t be with him at the vets because of the virus. The vet took him to the surgery door and our little angel looked back at us and we hope he was saying “thank you”. At that point our hearts broke even though we knew he was suffering so much!! We cried all the way home. We have his ashes at home and he will come in the coffin of the first one of us that passes away and he will be interred with one of us forever.

  78. Dear Catherine. I have one of your poppy brooches – the stem of three flowers small, medium and large. I always receive compliments, but this year I’ve had more than ever – every time I’ve worn it I’ve received comments.

    May I make a suggestion for your next design? I’d love to have a pair of earrings to match the lower, smaller poppy – post design for pierced ears, not drop style. I think they would be perfect partners for the brooch.

    Thank you for all your presentations – always enjoyable.

    From Ann Hathaway.

  79. Catherine your story of your Beautiful Pixie’s passing made me cry. As we know when we have our dogs and cats the time to day goodbye comes around often too quickly and it is heart-breaking. Your beautiful girl gained her wings and became a beautiful Angel in Heaven watching over you all God bless love Chrissie Turner QVC customer X

  80. Dear Catherine , such a beautiful passing xx I remember meeting you at a beauty bash quite a few years ago , you told me how your fur babies used to like bringing you leaves in from the garden xxx

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